THE GARDENER VS A WILD MORNING GLORY: PICKING AN IMPARTIAL JURY

On trial: The Wild Morning Glory

Sweet & Innocent Touch of Nostalgia

or

Ruthless Bully with an Appetite for Entire Trees

THE COMEDY COURT CASE BEGINS:

In this case, a human gardener has charged a wild morning glory vine with attempted murder of a tree. The human gardener is asking the judge to declare ERADICATION. A six plant jury will watch this case. The lawyers have almost finished their jury selection questions. Let's listen in:

Picking an IMPARTIAL JURY:

Morning Glory Lawyer: Juror number 1, please state your name and answer this question; do you have anything against human gardeners?

Juror #1: I'm an Agave americana and I'm perfectly happy crammed inside this tiny pot. I hardly remember the wide open deserts of Mexico. Yes, I hardly remember being taken from my dear mother as a small pup...(Agave starts to cry)...that's all.

Human Lawyers: (turning to each other) Well, this certainly didn't get off to a good start. The next juror looks well cared for so there's hope.

Morning Glory Lawyer: Other jurors, please state your names and answer the same question. Thank you.

Juror #2: I'm a gorgeous bromeliad called Neoregelia. The humans take very good care of me. I get sunshine, rainfall, and a nice breeze. I hardly remember the day I was RIPPED from the tropical canopy, thrown into a box and shipped to some garden store. I miss my forest branch...(starts to cry)...and the sweet chirping of little frogs that used to live in my leaves. Sniff, sniff.

Human Lawyers: Boy, two for two. This is not going to be an easy case.

Juror #3: I'm a rubber tree. I have not ONE thing against the humans except when they CUT and SLASH the trunks of my rubber tree friends and collect their white sap in buckets. I'm told they BOIL our sap to make rubber. Hideous! (Shudders and grows quiet)

Human Lawyers: (Trying to hide under the table...whispering) Geez...and these are the most impartial plants in his garden? I'd hate to see the ones mad at him.

Juror #4: Hi, I'm a Victorian Parlor Palm. I'm so well liked that the humans keep me indoors. There, I collect DUST, endure SPIDER MITE invastions, and barely get WATERED. The weak sunlight insures that I stay sick and SPINDLY. (Starts to cough)

Human Lawyers: When will this be over?!? Hey, things are looking up. The next one is a vine! Surely a vine will be impartial to another vine. Vines are used to being trimmed back.

Juror #5: I'm a variegated arrowroot. I'm not sure how I feel about the humans since my memory has been altered. Wait, it's coming back to me. Something about a diabolical variegation experiment long ago. (Pauses and closes eyes) Now I remember. I was cut to pieces by the humans and stuck in glasses for some bizarre purpose. (Shudders with fear)

Human lawyers: That was a terrible turn of events. But look! Juror #6 is a native sedge. The gardener lets them grow everywhere and he goes out of his way not to step on them. Maybe there's hope.

Juror #6: I'm a native Texas sedge and I must say this gardener deeply cares about my well-being. He let's me grow everywhere and....HELP...there's a chicken on ME! GET HIM OFF! HELP!

Chicken attacks Juror #6

JUDGE: Order in the court! Will the owner of that renegade chicken kindly get it out of my courtroom. There will be no eating jurors during this trial!

Human Lawyers: Your honor, the gardener owns it and it won't happen again. (Whispering: My mother told me there would be days like this.)

JUDGE: Would the lawyers for the HUMAN gardeners like to question the jurors?

Human Lawyers: No, your honor. We can't endure a moment more. 

JUDGE: Well, in that case, we have our jury. We will start the trial immediately.

Judge for the case

JUDGE:  JUDGE SAGE has spoken. Court adjourned.

Thanks for stopping by. The garden trial...and I do mean GARDEN TRIAL will start later this week.

David/:0)